I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
