I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
