What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize