I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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