put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
