I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is Oprah even human
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
