This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
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found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're like the curious george of whores
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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