Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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