Pappa wants mamma naked
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
