just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
