I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
