the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
