Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
