So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize