Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
