omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
