make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize