in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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