He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
