Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Non-Jews are for practice
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
