the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
