He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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