having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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