I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
