Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
