i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
