I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
