You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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