I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You're like the curious george of whores
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
