I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize