i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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