I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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