when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you had me at cake vodka
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
