If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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