Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
