Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
