At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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