Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
