My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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