I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
