you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
