my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize