no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
