No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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