Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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