So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
