Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
