you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
