Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Randomize
