We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
