i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
