the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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