Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
