OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
