I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
