Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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