and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize