It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
