Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
