I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
