You smell like a Billy Joel song
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize