I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
