The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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