He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
