Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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