i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
