chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
