Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
