just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
