I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
