Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
wanna go halves on a baby?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize