i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
